Feminist Bachelorette Party Ideas

Hopefully you all saw my post on Magic Mike Live, what I consider to be the ultimate feminist bachelorette party experience of all time. If not, get thee over there and read it, pronto.

But for those who can’t afford Vegas or who want to avoid travel all together (there is ZERO reason bachelorette parties need to cost an arm and a leg), I wanted to put together a round-up of some other ideas to consider, for those feminists in your life who are getting married and still want to celebrate, but sans penis straws.

1. The most important part is that the celebration celebrate the person themselves. Ask what they want (and more importantly, don’t want) and tailor it to THEM

2. Rent Magic Mike XXL, have a slumber party and drink boat loads of champagne. If you can’t go to Vegas, bring Magic Mike to you

3. Speaking of movie rentals, a Wonder Woman themed bachelorette would also be effing amazing. Costumes optional.

4. Head to a karaoke bar - or organize your own lip sync battle

5. For those who aren’t night owls and don’t want a party atmosphere, spa it up, followed by brunch, boozy or not

6. Co-ed party - Baby showers are going co-ed (I had one) and so should bachelor/bachelorette parties

7. Wine tasting at a local winery. But hire transport - safety first

8. Organize an afternoon of volunteering for your favorite local organization - or use the party as an opportunity to raise money and donate to Planned Parenthood or other worthy, feminist causes

A couple of other suggestions:

Don’t call it a “last hurrah” or other awful references to marriage being the end of fun or independence or freedom. Marriage is neither the beginning nor the end - it’s a moment to celebrate. Period.

not cool

I generally recommend staying away from gay bars and drag shows as a straight, cisgendered woman. As Skylar Baker-Jordan wrote, “true allies understand that they are not entitled to a marginalized group’s space or time or companionship.” But if you are cisgendered and want to go, please keep these tips in mind (more details here):

• As Miz Cracker wrote in Slate, gay bars “provide a haven from the heterosexual gaze. In small towns and big cities alike, these spaces allow queers to talk, flirt, and unwind without drawing sneers, slurs, curious stares, or even unwanted support—My son is gay, too!”  So if you’re determined to go, just remember to be respectful that you’re entering someone’s safe space and the LGBTQ community do not exist to entertain you.  

• Help offset the decline of queer spaces by putting your money where your mouth is and tip well.

• If you meet someone new, use gender neutral terms unless they’ve told you how they identify

• Don’t act like a tourist. Don’t gawk and always ask permission before taking a photo of someone

• Don't get up on a stage uninvited

• Don't expect the music to have been selected for you

The Ultimate Feminist Bachelorette Party

This is the first of two posts I’m planning about feminist bachelorette parties. A round-up is forthcoming (with lots of other ideas), but this one focuses on one special option that blew my freaking mind. I do want to briefly mention that I am a cisgendered woman - and though feminist, this perspective is certainly a cisgendered one.

I’ve been meaning to write this blog post since last May, when I took a trip to Vegas with my sisters to celebrate their 40th birthday. My sisters and I stumbled upon what I truly believe to be an excellent feminist bachelorette party option. In a sea of penis straws and strange, bedazzled “Bride to Be” sashes, this experience was empowering, super fantastic fun (my face hurt from smiling), and jaw-droppingly feminist.

Our trip was centered around going to the newly opened Magic Mike Live show which opened in Vegas in March. And no, I’m not joking. For those of you who may not be aware, the second Magic Mike movie (Magic Mike XXL) was - truly - one of the most feminist, revolutionary films I’d seen in a while. Please take a moment to read these articles to learn more (here and here) - but suffice it to say, though the plot was ridiculous and somewhat non-existent (I didn’t say it was a GOOD movie), the film at its core was about men’s earnest desire to please ALL women, or as Andrea Grimes writes, “Magic Mike XXL is about a whole LOAD of dudes who have two main priorities: think up new ways to make women happy, and dance.” I’ve never seen so many different women - black, white, large, small, old, young - in a movie, not to mention being PLEASURED in a movie. If you haven’t watched the movie, do so now. No seriously, now, and then come back and read the rest of this post.

So. Fast forward to Vegas. Despite our love of Magic Mike, we really didn’t have high expectations for this show. Our main hope was that the men would actually DANCE and it would be a slightly less sleazy version of a strip club.

Without giving too much away, feminism in the show abounds to an insane degree. First, there are men of all types, shades and styles - as well as dancing of all kinds, so everyone who attends will find someone or something that they love (aka all women will be pleased and find someone to crush on). The show opens with a deliberate attempt to thwart the typical Village People male stripper experience, in a twist so lovely that even I, the person who always figures out the end of movies, didn’t see coming. The MC is female, so she is in a position of power and control, and represents the every-woman and what she (ie “we”) wants. They discuss how consent is sexy (!). They literally use the word “misogyny” as crappy guys threaten to take over the show. They provide you with fake money so that the exchange of money isn’t an issue. And that money has “You’re Welcome” on it, which is basically the theme of the show. As my sister so brilliantly put it, “instead of “You’re Welcome” implying that we should be grateful for something, it meant all women are welcome in this space. That women are safe in this space. That women for once don’t have to worry that admitting or expressing their sexual desire means they’re asking to be harassed or assaulted or raped.” Revolutionary. Truly. Get thee to Vegas.

So if you’re looking to celebrate your or your friend’s marriage, but are tired of the old cliched activities and ideas, head to Magic Mike Live and have your feminist mind blown. And BTW, I saw the show stone cold sober (and a little queasy cause I was pregnant) so just imagine what a cocktail or two would do ;)

**I will state for the record here that this is not in any way a sponsored post (though hot-damn, I wish it were - send me back to see the show again, Channing Tatum!). I just want to spread the revolutionary, feminist stripper love

Stay tuned next week for a larger round up of other feminist bachelorette ideas!