We’re continuing our series of “What Would a Wedding Planner Do Differently for Their OWN Wedding” with our very own Rebecca! (if you missed our Part 1, check it out here!). Rebecca has some wonderful advice (and beautiful photos from Jess Latos Photography) - so enjoy and learn!

I think every couple second guesses things about their wedding, or there are things that they would do differently. For wedding planners, though, it's a WHOLE different ballgame! Our whole lives are about nitpicking every single detail, so not only do we do that BEFORE our weddings, but after them too!!

But first, let me tell you a little about my wedding, and some of the MANY, MANY, MANY things about it that I loved. I absolutely ADORED our venue, Capon Springs, an all-inclusive family resort that has been owned and operated by the same family for generations.

I KNOW, RIGHT?!??!?! It was everything we wanted -- within driving distance for (almost) everyone, DELICIOUS food, everyone could stay "on site" and we were allowed to bring our own alcohol (a HUGE deal for me...it was literally my only deal breaker when looking at venues.) Picture the resort from Dirty Dancing, and you have Capon Springs (or, for a more recent reference, the resort in the Catskills from Season 2 of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel).

I LOVED all of our vendors. Having been in the wedding industry for over 10 years at that time, I knew a lot of vendors, obviously, although none of them were in West Virginia! Luckily we were able to have our "friendors" travel and stay at the resort and enjoy the weekend! (This included our amazing photographer Jessica Latos, our Florist, Katie Martin, our planners, Anjie and Laura, (this was before I worked for The Plannery!), and our officiant, Amanda Tate. The only "local" vendors we had to find were Hair and Makeup (the AMAZING SAS Studio out of Winchester) and our rental company for chairs.

Ok, so the things I would have done differently? They were, in the grand scheme of things, pretty minor.

The Ceremony Programs

I loved our programs, but for about a year before the wedding I had been collecting leftover flowers from my weddings as a planner, saving and drying the flower petals. Then I chopped them up into confetti, put them in glassine bags, and attached them to the front of the programs for people to throw.

DUDE! What even was the point?!?!? You totally can't see them in this photo. Which is SO not the photographer's fault! See that ribbon in the right hand corner? That's what we handed out to the kids who kicked off our processional (our wedding parade). I should have just made more of those (they were SO EASY to make!) and had our planners hand them out to the people on the aisles. That picture would have been a lot better. (Also? How freaking cute are these kids?!?)

First Look Location

I would have specifically chosen our first look location, or scouted something out with our photographer. It was raining on and off that day, so I TOTALLY understand why she picked the location she did (it was just outside of the cottage where I got ready). But...well, just look...

Meh...it's fine. There are just TONS of gorgeous locations at Capon Springs (see...

So I would have been more specific about choosing a location.

Wedding Ceremony Sound

The sound was TOTALLY messed up for our ceremony, but that's not really a planning thing I would have changed -- it was just an unfortunate thing that happened. (Like I said, it was raining on and off all day, and literally at the last minute it stopped, the Capon Staff ran out and wiped down the benches, and we were able to go with our plan A...which I was SO HAPPY about!)

But, unfortunately, something happened and I think the speakers were too far from the DJ or something, so you couldn't really hear the music or the officiant if you weren't in the front row. Clearly, 3 1/2 years later, it's still something I think about.

We were planning to do a few large family photos after the ceremony, but it was pretty chilly (see all those people in coats above?!), so I told my planners "Forget it, tell people to just go inside for cocktail hour), and it is something I don't regret AT ALL! The food at our cocktail hour was SO GOOD, and people were pretty happy to be inside in front of the fire place!!!

Wear Your Glasses! (aka be yourself!)

Another thing I don't regret...see any differences between these two pictures?

That's right...GLASSES! I got contacts for the wedding, but I am SO not a contacts wearer. I took them out immediately after the ceremony, and felt a huge sigh of relief. And I've never worn contacts another day in my life! If you're not normally a contacts wearer, don't force yourself just for your wedding! I promise, you'll look beautiful in your glasses!!

Inventory Your Wedding DIY Items

The only thing I regret from the reception is that I didn't use a tool I now use as a planner, which is a personal inventory (something I've learned from Katie Wannen!) We do a personal inventory for all of our couples, which is a spreadsheet that I break down into ceremony, cocktail hour and reception, and for each section I list EVERY SINGLE THING that the couple is bringing, or that needs to be set up, even if someone else is bringing it. I list how it's getting there, where it's going at the wedding, and what's happening to it at the end of the night. If I had done that for the wedding, the one thing that I STILL think about that was missing from the reception, a bar menu that I (ok, more artistically talented friends of mine) worked on REALLY HARD, would have been displayed. (It was like this, but with drinks, not food. The food one is cute too!)

This was really just a problem of miscommunication -- I think different people each thought someone else had done it, so it didn't get displayed until I noticed it missing...and by then it was towards the end of the night. It's such a stupid thing to be upset about, but I made up REALLY clever names for our drinks that went with our TV-themed wedding!

("What were they," you ask? Well, there was the "Snake Juice" (Parks and Recreation) (This was 1921 Crema Tequila...I highly recommend it.)

"The Rory" (Gilmore Girls) (A DELICIOUS Grapefruit Moscow Mule)

"There's Always Money in the Banana Stand" (A "sounds weird but is amazing" combo of Banana liqueur and Cream Soda

"The Ron Swanson" (Lagavulin)

Take Care of Your Wedding Guests

Lastly, I regret not just biting the bullet and buying a ton of blankets to set out at the reception. Guys? It was COLD up there. Craig and I went up to the pavilion to greet guests as they arrived (sort of a reverse receiving line, which I highly recommend), but we were freezing -- especially the one of us with a sleeveless dress! Luckily one of my dad's friends had a blanket in his car, and at some point my new mother-in-law went and got me my sweatshirt (and trust me...a red hoodie looks AMAZING with a white lace wedding dress if it's cold enough!) A few of the female guests even changed into jeans or leggings it was so cold! We had three big, warm fireplaces, but if you were sitting far away from them, it was still pretty chilly. I wish I had thought to get some nice warm blankets from Amazon so people could wrap themselves up in them. (Notice I didn't say I wish we had moved our reception inside -- LOOK AT THIS COOL SPOT! I could never have moved it indoors...it would have hurt my soul).

Time for Lessons Learned: Part 2 where I take a look back at this year and impart some knowledge (some silly, some very practical) which will hopefully help you with your own plans. Last week we focused on DIY lessons. Now some more general items:

Lesson #5: Remember to feed your vendors

Most people are remembering this in their plans, but I wanted to mention it again. It’s important that you not only request vendor meals (and don’t forget to check their contracts to see if it has to be a hot meal, or if a sandwich/packed lunch meal will do), but to consider when all the vendors will actually be eating and add it to your timeline. This not only notifies your vendors that you’ve thought of them (which is always nice for us to see), but it also helps inform the caterer so they know when to have those meals ready. Vendors often eat at different times (and some have specific requests, so always check with them first) - but in general, the photographer and DJ eat during dinner, once the guests have been served. There aren’t any huge moments the photographer will be missing (and pics of people eating are never very attractive), and the DJ is usually just playing a playlist they’ve put together for dinner - it’s not as interactive a portion of the evening (like post-dinner dancing). You want your vendors to have energy to do their job well. Most of your vendors are working very long hours on the day-of. So feed them, please.

Lesson #6: Let go

This is a hard one. It’s hard for me as an event coordinator and planner where it’s my JOB to do my absolute best to make sure there has been clear communication, the event is running smoothly, and it’s everything you want it to be. But no matter how hard you try, at the end of the day, you can’t control it all. I was reminded of this at a wedding this year. I’d had a very long conversation with the D.J. I’d sent multiple copies of the timeline with updates and changes based on his input. Despite all of that, as well as the usual confirmation the week-of, there were major issues. He showed up incredibly late for set-up. He didn’t have the couple’s do-not play list with him. He started the hora without my cue and without double checking the bride and groom were even in the room (they weren’t). It was a tough night for me because I couldn’t understand where all that prep work had gone. What he was thinking about during our conversations, what timeline was he reading when he got my copy, where had their playlist gone since I knew he’d been sent it and had confirmed? But I (and you) can only control so much. Despite all best efforts, sometimes people are going to not do a good job or not follow through. I did everything I could (gave him my extra copy of the playlist, worked around the awkward premature hora start) and then had to let go. I knew I’d done my best. And if you know that, sometimes you need to lean back on that and trust it. Let go and move on with life (or the party).

Lesson #7: Outdoor weddings in DC can be… rough.

This is going to be somewhat controversial, but I’m going to say it anyway: DC is a humid, fairly horrid place in July and August (not to mention the potential thunderstorms). Think carefully if you plan an outdoor wedding during that time. Do you have a rain plan? Are you prepared to sweat all day? Do you have adequate cooling devices arranged as back-up? Does the caterer know to provide extra water so guests stay hydrated? Who will buy the back-up umbrellas? Have you clearly let your guests know it will be outside so they dress appropriately? Are you going to be upset the day-of when there’s not a lot of dancing because the guests simply don’t have the energy? Don’t get me wrong - it can work. But you need to consider all the tough parts about the heat and the rain before making the final call.

Lesson #8: It’s ok to sneak away

I thought I’d end on a fun and romantic note. This summer I had a couple come up to me about an hour before their party was officially to end and asked if it was “ok” for them to sneak away without an official goodbye. When nowadays big goodbyes, with ribbon wands, sparklers and photo opps are the norm, I loved this request to sneak off. I told them they should carefully consider if they have any guests who would be genuinely hurt without a goodbye (the Mom who helped set-up, the Grandma who traveled across the country) but that at the end of the day - it’s their wedding. There are no real rules as long as you’ve considered your guests. I adored them quietly walking off together - it meant they were remembering quite clearly that this party was really about them, their marriage and their time together. So romantic and a lovely way to end the evening, just the two of them. (And for the record, no guests were upset or offended at all...they were too busy dancing their faces off).

What a Wedding Planner Would do Differently For Their Own Wedding, Part Deux