We’re starting a new series here over the next few months where all the members of the The Plannery team will take a look back at their own weddings and discuss what they’d do differently! We thought it’d be a fun way to not only peek inside the mind of a planner and see what lessons we’ve learned, but also just get to know us a bit better! Enjoy the first in this series… featuring (gulp!) me!

I’m going to be celebrating my 9 year wedding anniversary shortly, and we’re already looking ahead to our tenth next year (more on that later!). Reflecting back on my wedding is interesting, because it was a different time and there were different trends. The overarching theme back in 2009/2010 was that the wedding industry was out to get us, and so, much like rebelling teenagers who wanted to take down “the man,” there was a sense that everything had to be “different.” And frankly, like a lot of teenagers, we went a little too far in the other direction.

Some traditions are traditions for good reason

Trying to take a different route and not have the wedding feel super stuffy and traditional, we opted for a cocktail-style feel. Because we wanted the wedding to feel more informal and more like a cocktail party we didn’t do assigned seating and didn’t technically have seating for everyone. I regret that. I think it’s not kind to guests and I think that since we ended up feeding everyone real food (in a buffet), we should have given them a place to sit and relax. Lesson learned. Some traditions are meant to be kept.

Way too much DIY

The other trend that was somewhat of a middle finger to the wedding industry back then was that DIY was THE thing to do. And so we DIY’d SO. MUCH. And let me tell you. It was not worth it. It was not worth the time, the energy and the stress. My biggest regret was that I asked my Mom to DIY our flowers, both simple centerpieces and bouquets. She killed it and did a great job, BTW - but I think it really stressed her out and made the day less fun for her. Similarly, we relied on a ton of friends and family to help set up some DIY decor as well, and I just wish I’d allowed them to relax and have fun that morning, rather than set up the venue. If I could go back, I’d hire a florist and throw money at the problem. We wouldn’t have gone into debt because of it, and it would have brought more joy and less stress.

Ambien

Ok, I’m sort of kidding. But… sort of not. If I could go back I wouldn’t sleep in a hotel room the night before in order to somehow make the next day more “special.” I was used to sleeping with my now-husband. Instead, I was alone in an unfamiliar, cold hotel room and I got… 2 hours of sleep. So while not everyone will suffer with these exact sleep problems of mine (!), I do recommend you think about what will feel most comfortable and make you relax prior to the wedding day - and do that!

Take time for your guests

Again, I think back then the more formal, traditional weddings felt super stuffy and prim and proper. So I went too far in the other direction and didn’t have any kind of receiving line and didn’t officially visit with all of my guests. I really regret that. Looking back, it felt selfish, and though I know time is super limited for the couple on their wedding day, and there’s no way you’re going to get to talk to everyone, I would have put in much more effort to do so.

The infamous first-look

My now-husband was adamant that we not see each other before the wedding. I wish I’d pushed back a bit harder because we barely attended our cocktail hour (hence the above, not being able to see many guests), and I think it would have made the day less hectic. If you can convince your partner to do a first look - do it!

All that being said, we recently - on a random weekend - happened upon our wedding video and I had a super strange surreal moment where my two daughters were suddenly quietly watching our wedding take place. It was lovely to hear my husband and I reference our future children in our ceremony, while those children watched in the present moment! It helped me realize that your wedding is just a moment in time. Looking back, while the wedding still feels special, what actually defines our marriage are all the other years and moments, good and bad, that followed. So I loved listening to our closest friends and family sing the songs and play the instruments we asked them to play. I loved watching us dance to now-quite-dated pop music. I still stand by our choice to not have a wedding cake and just eat brownies instead. I love that people still tell us it was one of the most fun weddings they’d ever been to. And I love that it led to the life I’m now living.