Why Wedding Planning is about Mental Health

Photo by Margaret Wroblewski

We don’t often think about weddings and mental health. But because this is mental health month, I thought I’d take a moment to talk about why weddings, and wedding planning in particular, are actually connected to your mental health.

I hadn’t made this connection until recently, when we decided to take a look back at the many reviews and input we’ve received from our clients over the years. And what suddenly became apparent was that nearly all reviews talked about how we made them FEEL.

“Unlike many of our friends, my (new!) husband and I thought wedding planning was super fun and did not find it stressful. ”

— Emily and Paul

“my husband and I were actually able to enjoy our wedding from start to finish—we were able to eat, drink and dance all night, not having to worry about the little details.”

— Rebecca and Andrew

“I truly felt like I could sit back and enjoy my wedding and not have to worry and that is the best feeling.”

— Kylene and Tony

And those feelings often had to do with stress and worry. And stress? Stress can be a huge trigger for poor mental health.

Now I’m not in any way saying our expertise as wedding planners can compare with a therapist or mental health professional! Heeeeeeck no. But. The wedding planning process can bring up a LOT. You’re navigating decision making with your new partner, sometimes for the first time. You may be navigating difficult family dynamics. You’re looking at budgets and money and finances, which can sometimes cause stress. Not to mention the ridiculous and abnormal stress society at large puts on this ONE BIG DAY (which I call bullshit on BTW).

So whether it’s one of us at The Plannery or not, I urge you to hire vendors and wedding planners who make your life easier. Who take away the mental stress, rather than add to it. Who help you FEEL good, both during the planning and on your wedding day. We all need to take care of ourselves these days, so please think about your mental health as you begin your wedding planning journey.

Why we don't make your wedding decisions for you

Photo by Ayesha Ahmad Photography

“She doesn't force her opinion on anyone, but gives amazing, decisive advice when you ask for it.”

- one of our recent clients about our lead planner, Rebecca O’Donnell

We get this feedback a lot from our clients. And this is one of the major factors in figuring out what kind of a wedding planner you’re looking for. Do you want a planner who is going to take the reigns entirely and make decisions for you, or one who will assist you in making wedding decisions? Neither one is better or worse. It’s about what’s right for you.

Here at The Plannery, we won’t make wedding decisions for you. We not only believe it’s YOUR money to spend (therefore your decision), but most importantly, we always want our clients weddings to reflect their values and their priorities - not OURS.

So what do we do if we don’t make wedding decisions? We help make those decisions easier. We listen to you. We help you figure out what your values and priorities are to begin with! We then narrow down your options when it comes to vendors and other wedding planning decisions. Not to mention, we keep it practical in terms of helping you see which decisions are even possible when it comes to your wedding budget.

Some folks are so busy that they actually want someone to make final decisions for them. Some really want to hear what is on-trend and just do whatever that is for their wedding. And again - that’s great if it’s right for you! But we are not those planners. We take our cues from you, listen, help you clarify your vision, desires and priorities, and then make the decision making process easy.

Which one is right for you?

A Musical Wedding

Photo by DuHon Photography

We think of music at weddings in the usual ways - ceremony music, having an awesome band for your dance party, what your first dance song will be, etc. But if you’re a couple that really loves music, what are some other ways to incorporate that passion for music into your wedding day?

We’ve had some really creative couples come up with other options - so check them out below and let us know what you think!

A Musical Guestbook

We’ve had two separate couples use records as their guest books! It’s a unique way to share your love of music (or even particular songs and artists), while collecting the names of your guests

Photo by Chris Ferenzi

Photo by Jess Latos Photography

A Nod to your Favorite Concert

Alicia and Matt, one of our awesome, past couples, used concert wrist bands at their wedding!! Such a fun way to keep track of your guests if the venue requires it, while adding a little nod to your concert-going

Photo by The Oberports

Get creative at cocktail hour

We’ve had many clients get a bit more creative at cocktail hour as way to honor either their wedding’s location, their heritage, or other musical aspects. One of our favorite DC weddings had a DC-based funk band meet their guests at the church! Another couple wanted to honor their Irish heritage and had a fiddle and pipe player for their cocktail hour, which even led to some Irish dancing! Whatever direction you go, think outside the musical box for cocktails. It’s a great, more casual time to have a little fun and be more non traditional

Photo by Mathy Shoots People

Photo by DeNueva Photo

Music as Decor

Mariah and Rob used records as decor! They hung records from the ceiling to create a super fun look, all while tipping their hat to their love of music

Photo by Stephen Gosling

Musical Invitations

Angelina and Ron had some of the best wedding invitations I’d seen - they used Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix stamps on their wedding invites!

Photo by Olivia Jacob Photography

Musical Theatre Nerds, Unite!

And I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t mention several of our couples who gave a little shout-out to the musical, Hamilton! One bride wore an A. Ham (if you know, you know) hat when they were announced into the reception. And my other favorite did a spin on the Hamilton Playbill for their ceremony program! Such creative, fun ideas:

Photo by DuHon Photography

Photo by Ayesha Ahmad Photography

Carol and Greg's Winter Woodend Sanctuary MD Wedding

Photo by Stephen Bobb Photography

This wedding was one of our favorites from last year. Though it was pre-COVID, I’m excited to share it now because it was a small, intimate winter wedding - something folks who are dealing with the new COVID restrictions may be considering this year - so hopefully this can give you some fun inspiration! Carol and Greg had a beautiful wedding at Woodend Sanctuary. Because it was winter, Woodend’s usual tent was down, so they had a short ceremony with some guests standing and some seated, in the main room, followed by cocktails and dinner indoors as well. Tarra had to get creative with the flow and floorplan, but it worked out well and everyone had a blast.

I adore that they embraced the holiday season with red pops of color (including the stunning bride’s lips!), and additional green and white accents. It was a meeting of two cultures, his (Southern) and hers (Korean) which they honored in various ways including culinary touches from Main Event. Enjoy these beautiful shots from Stephen Bobb Photography and embrace the chilly air heading our way. Congrats again to Carol and Greg!

Carol and Greg’s Vendors:

Coordinator: Tarra Morgan, The Plannery

Venue: Woodend Sanctuary

Photographer: Stephen Bobb

Caterer: Main Event Catering

Music: Double Entertainment, DJ Elon

Florist: Park Florist

Cake: Alexandria Pastry Shop

Hair/Make-up: Shanel Salon

How to find the right Wedding Planner for you

Photo by Margaret Wroblewski

Happy New Year! With engagement season (aka the holiday season!) having just passed, I thought we’d dedicate the month of January to all things wedding planning for those of you who are newly engaged and just getting started.

We've spoken previously about what wedding coordinators do - but I realized I hadn’t done a deep dive into the wedding planning realm. Having a professional planner can be an invaluable resource you may want to consider - so we’re today we’ll talk about what wedding planning services are out there, as well as how to find the right wedding planner that fits your needs.

Photo by Jess Latos Photography

Which Wedding Planning Services Are Right For You?

The first step is to think about what kind of help you really need - and want.

We offer both partial and full planning - and depending on who are as a couple, either one may be the better fit for you. If you’re someone with an incredibly busy job, who isn’t always great staying on top of to-do items and really want some major hand-holding and guidance throughout the wedding planning process, full planning is the right option for you. We help you formulate your budget, clarify your needs and wants and priorities, schedule and attend all wedding related meetings, assist in researching and booking your venue and wedding vendors, arrange hotel room blocks, among many other details.

If, on the other hand, you’re slightly more proactive, want to be more involved in the planning process, but still want guidance, partial planning is an awesome option (and we find we tend to attract these couples the most!). For Partial Planning we help create your initial budget and nail down your major vendors (venue, caterer, photographer, music, and florist). We then provide you with a planning timeline, with major to-do’s for you to cross off throughout the next months, and then reemerge to assist in month-of coordination to make sure the event runs smoothly. We’re also always available throughout as a resource, with unlimited communication!

Event Design is another wrinkle often thrown into wedding planning services. Some planners offer it with all their packages, others don’t offer it at all. I personally think ours is a great option because it’s similar to our other packages in that we’re able to provide you with event design guidance and tools, tailored to YOU, to then help you make other design related decisions down the line.

I think one of the final questions to ask yourself is what you value and what matters to you for your wedding. If you’re someone who wants someone to make decisions for you and tell you what to do - hire someone who will do that! I will say, however - that won’t be us! We are very upfront about the fact that as planners, we are here as resources and guides, someone who will help narrow your decision making, and make the process easier - but we won’t ever make decisions FOR you. We firmly believe the wedding should be a reflection of the couple - whoever they are and whatever they love - not us, as planners. Also, frankly, it’s your money. So it’s your final decision.

So now that you know what you want…

Photo by Mantas Kubilinskas

What Should You Look For In A Wedding Planner?

This is a tough one because every couple is so different. I firmly believe ALL wedding vendors should make the process of planning easy for you. Therefore, look for someone who is a clear communicator and who is easy to talk to. Did they respond to your inquiry in a timely manner? Did you enjoy speaking with them and feel like they “got” you? What about other forms of communication? Is their website clear? Does it clearly state their services, pricing (pricing transparency is key!! We try our best to be as upfront as possible), and values (see below)?

I also believe your wedding planner should reflect your values. Whether you’re an LGBTQ couple or not, hiring a planner who is outspoke and very explicit in their support and beliefs means that planner will only be recommending similarly supportive vendors. As one of our clients said about The Plannery, “as both my husband and I consider ourselves allies of the LGBT community, I really appreciate how open they are about supporting LGBT couples as well couples of diverse/mixed backgrounds and religions… It was a refreshing ‘icing on the cake’ to work with a vendor who was so transparent and open about this topic and even though we don't personally identify, we truly admire this honorable approach to their services as we have many loved ones in our lives who do.” 

Finally, I always recommend reading reviews and asking for references! Hearing from couples first-hand is a wonderful way to get a feel for a planner - both throughout the planning process as well as on the day-of. I recently went back through our many, many reviews to see what words stuck out the most. We were often described as “responsive”, “organized” planners who provided “seamless” and “stress-free” experiences. If that speaks to you, wonderful! If not, find a planner whose clients describe what matters most to you for your wedding day!

5 Wedding Traditions Worth Breaking

As you already know, I’m not a fan of the “have to”’s and “should”’s that often surround weddings. Yes, sometimes certain traditions or ways of doing things are there for a reason - cause they make the most sense or are the easiest way to do something! That being said, there are a couple of wedding traditions I’m all about breaking - so here are my top 5 that I think are heading the way of the dinosaurs:

Who walks down the aisle?

Photo by Susan Hornyak

I hold this one near and dear to my heart because I made a fairly non-traditional choice when it came to my own wedding processional. More and more I’m seeing lots of couples kick the tradition of the bride’s father walking her down the aisle to the curb - and I’m loving it. Jewish weddings already get it right (and have for years) by having both parents escort both parts of the couple down the aisle. I’ve seen the bride and groom walk down together. I’ve seen brides process in on their own (cue Destiny Child’s “Independent Women” now please). Recently, two grooms had us create TWO aisles and they both processed in together with the ring bearers/flower girls, to meet in the center (love love love that). I personally chose to have my Mom walk me in because I was close to both my Dad and Step-father and didn’t feel right choosing between the two. Either way, it’s a personal choice and every couple deserves to feel they can be creative if they need to be! Do what’s best for you and your family - both past and future!

RSVP Cards

Photo by Love Life Images

Embrace technology! Throw those physical RSVP cards of yore directly into the trash. As I mentioned on a previous post, wedding websites now allow you to collect RSVPs online. Do it. It saves you money, time and you won’t find yourself scratching tiny numbers in pencil on the back of your RSVP cards wondering why you ever decided to plan a wedding in the first place. Yes, some older folks get confused by the internets, but it’s still worth going this route and just picking up the phone for those few who can’t handle the online option.

The White Dress

Photo by Leo Druker

A lot of brides still love the white dress, and I get it. I wore one. But this tradition is changing and I’m LOVING it. Weddings are a celebration - why not wear color? Or best of all, why not wear pants? A jumpsuit? Have outfit and costume changes? The possibilities nowadays are endless and so many more options are available to both brides and grooms. Go for it and don something new for your special day - you’ll still feel special, I promise.

The Champagne Toast

Photo by Darling Photographers

Very few couples have traditional champagne toasts anymore. Once again, save the money (yay!) and just have folks toast with the drinks that are in their hands. I can’t tell you how much champagne I see dumped out of untouched glasses at the end of the night. Not having special flutes and a “special” champagne toast won’t make those moments or the words spoken any less meaningful. So ditch this tradition and focus on the words rather than the (sparkling) wine.

The special dances

Photo by Ayesha Ahmad

Listen, I love me a first dance. And I also love me some parents dances. But don’t be afraid to either ditch them or approach them with some fun and creativity. Super shy? Don’t have a first dance. Don’t feel like taking the dances so seriously? Mix it up and play with it - one of my favorites was a couple of mine from last year who not only did a first dance to Adam Sandler’s Grow Old With You, but then went into a first dance mash-up including Indian and western line dancing. It was hilarious, them, and perfect.

Easy ways to personalize your wedding

Nowadays lots of my clients express a desire to personalize their wedding. In fact, I’d even go so far to say that they feel the pressure to personalize every single detail. I don’t find that necessary. I think the personalization of weddings has gotten a bit out of hand (much like the fun DIY weddings of days past). So I wanted to outline my top 5 favorite and EASY ways to personalize your wedding:

Your Wedding Ceremony

Photo by Chris Ferenzi

Lest ye forget, the ceremony is the whole reason you’re having a wedding in the first place. It marks the official moment you and your partner actually get married. I find that the best way to personalize your wedding is to make the ceremony truly reflect you as a couple. How? That could simply mean making sure your pastor or rabbi really knows you both individually and as a couple. It could mean you both taking the time to write the ceremony yourselves. It could mean incorporating some favorite readings that reflect your own partnership and future together. There are tons of ways to make your ceremony personal - I always urge clients to put the most thought into this part of the day, that so often gets overlooked, because it really is the emotional center of the entire event.

Music

Photo by Shandi Wallace

Whether you’re a musical person or not, music connects to most of us on a pretty emotional and personal level. So another very easy way to personalize your wedding is to be thoughtful about your music throughout the event. Process into your ceremony to a special song. If you’re doing parents dances, pick songs that mean something to you both. Have music that you love but that isn’t danceable or ceremony-worthy but still reflects you or your partner? Use it at the cocktail hour!

Wedding logo

Photo by Justin McCallum

I used to scoff a bit at wedding logos - I felt as though it really hit home that your wedding was something to “market” (belch). But - I will say that if you take the time to create one that feels meaningful to you and your partner, you then have ONE thing that you can use everywhere! It makes a lot of decisions way easier - what to put on the program, the cake, lighting, favors, invites, website, etc? Your logo. BAM. Decision done, now you can go off and do other fun things with your day, all while personalizing that wedding of yours :)

Look beyond the centerpieces

Photo by Hannah Hudson Photography

Another very easy way to personalize your wedding is to add small little touches to your dining tables - and I’m not talking about votives. I’ve had clients add different Funko Pops to each table cause they were both huge comic fans, clients who framed hilarious quotes from their first online dating conversations, and clients who incorporated all the national parks they’d visited into each dining table.

Cake Toppers

Photo by DuHon Photography

Again, we’re talking easy here. Since you may want to buy a cake topper anyway, why not make it personal? I’ve seen folks have mini figurines made of them (and their dog!) on etsy, one bride’s father hand-crafted their cake topper, and my favorite (I am a musical theatre nerd at heart, remember), a couple use Tangled characters on top of their cake (even Pascal made the cut!). I’ll also mention, my Mom and step-dad deserve a starting-the-trend award since they absolutely SHOCKED their parents back in 1988 by putting some small clown shoe figurines (my step-dad had studied clown/mime back in the day) next to small high heeled figurines in lieu of the traditional cake topper. So this one is close to my heart!

Why communication is key to a stress-free wedding

Besides hiring a planner or coordinator (heeeey), the #1 key to a stress-free wedding is communication. Why? Because when you communicate it tells people what to expect. And people are always more comfortable, and then more likely have fun and relax, when their expectations are clear and are met. So here are my top five ways to clearly communicate in order to eliminate wedding-related stress!

Communicate with Family and Wedding Party

Photo by Amanda Gilley

From the early stages of your wedding, make sure you find out what your parents (and any other family members or close friends who will be involved) want and expect from your wedding. What are their priorities? What are your priorities? Do you have to do everything they want? No. But people always respond better when they feel heard. Plus, you may think you know what your family wants, and then make decisions based on assumptions - when in fact, their real priority is something completely different. As the day gets closer, also make sure to clearly communicate what you need and expect from them - who will be giving a toast (and how long should it be? Answer? 2-3 minutes!)? Where do they need to be for photos? What is the general timing of the day? Again, when people know what to expect, they can relax and (gasp!) have fun!!

Create a Wedding Website

Photo by Porter Watkins

Please oh please, if you don’t do anything else, make a wedding website. Embrace all the amazing options we have out there today and communicate details and information super easily to your guests via your wedding website. I always recommend putting your wedding website address on your Save The Date, if possible. Things to make sure to include? Logistics! Transportation, travel and hotel information, the timing of the day, gifts/registration information, and attire. Want grumpy guests? Don’t mention the ceremony is on grass and have women grumble about their stilettos getting stuck in the mud. The more guests know, the more they can prepare and be ready to enjoy their day.

The other reason to share all of these details? So you don’t get phone calls and emails with questions you have to answer!

It’s also a great place to share more information about you as a couple and the wedding party, so people can start to get to know one another. You can give guests ideas of things to do in the area. Nowadays you can also collect RSVPs online which is a HUGE time-saver. And most importantly, any other small, unique details about your day can be shared there - wedding hashtags (see below!), unique ceremonies, all of those can be described or communicated on the website.

Use those wedding welcome bags

Photo by Love Life Images

Welcome bags aren’t just to make your guests feel welcome (and provide that oh-so-necessary water and Advil for the next morning). It’s a great place to communicate with your guests. Lots of couples include an info sheet (frankly, repeating the details on the wedding website!) to hit home the important information guests need to know. Use those welcome bags to your full advantage and slip some info in there to make sure guests know what’s up!

Programs

Photo by DeNeuva Photography

As I mentioned, above, nowadays I find lots of ceremonies that have unique elements to them. Whether you’re blending religions or cultures, want an “unplugged” wedding (aka no cell phone photos please), or simply want to share more information about what’s going to happen during the ceremony, programs are a great way to communicate with guests so that they feel comfortable and don’t have questions or feel uneasy about what’s going on. Learning about what the chuppah represents, or why a certain reading means so much to you allows them to relax and connect to the ceremony.

#Hashtags

Photo by Love Life Images

Wedding hashtags can also be a really fun way to communicate with your guests during and AFTER the wedding. By encouraging guests to use a specific, unique-to-you wedding hashtag, you can find guests photos after-the-fact, comment, and enjoy the fun again, after the day is over. If you DO decide to go with a wedding hashtag, make sure to communicate the hashtag widely, both on your wedding website, programs, and even signage throughout the reception!

Monica and Jason's Woodend Sanctuary wedding

Photo by George Street Photo

Monica and Jason were married on the perfect summer/fall cusp day at the ever beautiful Woodend Sanctuary.  I really loved that Monica rocked her long, luxurious locks in a completely down-do by Styled by Anna Fazio. All of her bridesmaids sported half-up/half-down dos to round things out and they all happened to be brunettes…talk about complimentary looks!  

Although I was not present in the room, I know that Monica and Jason had the most special and intimate ceremonial Ketubah signing before their wedding. The actual Ketubah was spectacular with a vibrant blue circular design. It was displayed at the wedding ceremony alongside the equally spectacular chuppah designed by Growing Wild Floral.

Before their Ketubah signing the couple shared another intimate moment with their first look.  I usually am busy and/or want to give couples privacy during this time, but I couldn’t resist sneaking a peak on this one. It was so moving to watch Monica in her stunning dress walk along a picturesque path and reach out to touch Jason. His reaction was so freaking priceless and captured perfectly by Kyle Bergner with George Street Photo.

I would be remiss not to mention the guest appearance by their fur baby, Hunter.  Monica and Jason gave lots of thought about how much they wanted Hunter at the wedding, but realized how it would be logistically difficult and settled on an epic cardboard cut-out of him instead! A happy and hilarious compromise that made for a fun addition to their DIY photo guestbook station.   

This wedding had all the best elements. Wonderful couple, simplicity, class, and joy. Congrats to Monica and Jason!

Monica and Jason's Vendors:

Coordination: Tarra Morgan, The Plannery

Venue: Woodend Sanctuary

Catering: Corcoran Catering

DJ: DJ Evan Reitmeyer

Photography and Videography: George Street Photo

Florist: Growing Wild Floral

Hair: Styled by Anna Fazio

Make-up: Real Doll Makeup