Beware the Wedding Vendors who Overpromise

Photo by Jess Latos Photography (an example of a vendor who promises and delivers!)

Every once in a while I write a post that goes out not only to our potential clients and those engaged folks, but also to my fellow wedding vendors. This is one of those posts, and is a bit of a cautionary tale about vendors who overpromise.

I recently assisted in a wedding in which the clients had very expensive taste, but - frankly - didn’t want to spend the money that accompanies those tastes :) That’s fine, and it happens a lot. But my job as a planner, and every wedding vendor’s job, is to help clients understand what can and can’t be done for X amount of dollars, and then provide alternatives or options. There’s a real danger in “yes”ing your clients (or, if you’re planning a wedding, in having vendors that seem to be too good to be true - are promising a lot, for not a lot of money). If vendors overpromise and underdeliver - the clients are going to be disappointed. That’s not anything anyone wants on their wedding day.

In this specific case, there were multiple vendors who had said they could do X, Y and Z, but actually had never done it before (!) and frankly, couldn’t deliver. One vendor not only failed to do what they said they could do, but actually created a dangerous situation (that I had to insist be taken down). Another vendor simply verbally embellished certain aspects, but it wasn’t in the budget to really follow through on what they’d claimed they’d be able to provide.

So I urge vendors not to “yes” your clients, thinking it’s better to get the sale than to have the tough conversation and have them walk away. It’s not. Having a disappointed and angry bride or groom is way worse than being honest and upfront about what you can and can’t do. And clients - appreciate the vendors who are honest with you. And trust them :) If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Instead, work on either shifting your priorities and budget (move some funds from one area over to another), or shift your expectations and see if some other creative ideas and different options might create a similar result for less money. Because the last thing anyone wants - both the clients and the vendors - is to have anyone be disappointed, frustrated, or even angry on their wedding day.

Linda and Chris Carnegie Institution for Science DC Wedding

Photo by Margaret Wroblewski

Yes, we worked another Carnegie Institution for Science wedding. And yes, I loved it just as much as I always do! This really is one of our favorite venues and Linda and Chris’s wedding was no exception. They got married in late August this past summer, and it was such a lovely day! They didn’t want to see each other prior to the ceremony, so they had some family photos done separately and then we made sure we hid Linda (and her stunning-as-all-get-out dress) away in the upstairs library. After a beautiful ceremony officiated by a friend, they took some more photos outdoors (the weather was great!) while guests enjoyed the cocktail hour and photo booth inside. After a delicious meal by Main Event Catering, some toasts and the cake cutting, we got to my favorite part: a surprise Linda had arranged (with my help) for her groom after their first dance. She had Old Line Garrison - an awesome organization that brilliantly brings together Star Wars costume enthusiasts with charity - surprise Chris with stormtroopers crashing the dance floor! Old Line Garrison was so wonderful to work with - they’re an entirely volunteer-based organization that will show up to events and weddings as Star Wars characters out of their sheer love of dressing up, and for a donation to a charity. SUCH a cool idea - and Chris LOVED it (as you’ll see from the photos, by Margaret Wroblewski, below.

Some other favorite details include the glow sticks they handed out for an end of the night photo (which always makes the dance party more fun!), and the fact that they actually rented fake flowers for their centerpieces (from Wedding Flowers for Rent). I NEVER would have known - the flowers were really exceptionally lovely and it was a cost-efficient option I’d never seen done before and was frankly surprised at how beautiful they looked!

Congrats again to you both!

Linda and Chris’s Vendors:

Coordinator: Katie Wannen, The Plannery

Venue: The Carnegie Institution for Science

Caterer: Main Event Catering

Photographer: Margaret Wroblewski

DJ/Photobooth/Uplighting: DJ Dan Goldman

Cake: Fluffy Thoughts

Hair/Make-up: Les Bourgeois Artistry

Personal florals: Flor de Casa Designs

Centerpieces: Rented! Wedding Flowers for Rent

Kaylan and Kyle Longview Gallery Washington DC Wedding

Photo by Sloane Dakota Photo

I love nothing more than a couple that knows exactly what they want. Kaylan and Kyle kept true to their visions throughout the planning process. Their style and tastes were interwoven in every single solitary detail - from the bar menu to calligraphy work, to the sprigs of rosemary at each place setting, all thought out so meticulously, and so them. It is no surprise with Kyle being part prominent figure in the DC food and beverage industry that their dinner menu (provided by Spilled Milk) was one of the finest I have seen thus far at a wedding. The main attractions being Pancetta-Wrapped Quail Roulade and a Mustard-Glazed Rockfish, YUM! Cocktails were served out of a specially crafted Jockey Box, CO2 Tank with regulator… ummmm yeah, I had to look that one up! :) And let’s not forget the extremely enormous bottle of Billecart-Salmon Brut Rose that Kyle surprised Kaylan with, a 3L Jeroboam to be specific. It was literally bigger than my head. This wedding was the epitome of intimate wining and dining among beloved family and friends- an absolutely incredible night of love and laughter in Washington, DC. Congrats again, Kaylan and Kyle!

Kaylan and Kyle’s Vendors:

Coordinator: Tarra Morgan, The Plannery

Venue: Longview Gallery

Caterer: Spilled Milk

Photography: Sloane Dakota Photo

DJ: Kelton Higgins

Florist: Sill Life

Cake: Fluffy Thoughts

Hair/Make-up: Alison Harper

What a wedding planner would do differently for their own wedding

Photo by Kat Bryant Photography

We’re starting a new series here over the next few months where all the members of the The Plannery team will take a look back at their own weddings and discuss what they’d do differently! We thought it’d be a fun way to not only peek inside the mind of a planner and see what lessons we’ve learned, but also just get to know us a bit better! Enjoy the first in this series… featuring (gulp!) me!

I’m going to be celebrating my 9 year wedding anniversary shortly, and we’re already looking ahead to our tenth next year (more on that later!). Reflecting back on my wedding is interesting, because it was a different time and there were different trends. The overarching theme back in 2009/2010 was that the wedding industry was out to get us, and so, much like rebelling teenagers who wanted to take down “the man,” there was a sense that everything had to be “different.” And frankly, like a lot of teenagers, we went a little too far in the other direction.

Some traditions are traditions for good reason

Trying to take a different route and not have the wedding feel super stuffy and traditional, we opted for a cocktail-style feel. Because we wanted the wedding to feel more informal and more like a cocktail party we didn’t do assigned seating and didn’t technically have seating for everyone. I regret that. I think it’s not kind to guests and I think that since we ended up feeding everyone real food (in a buffet), we should have given them a place to sit and relax. Lesson learned. Some traditions are meant to be kept.

Way too much DIY

The other trend that was somewhat of a middle finger to the wedding industry back then was that DIY was THE thing to do. And so we DIY’d SO. MUCH. And let me tell you. It was not worth it. It was not worth the time, the energy and the stress. My biggest regret was that I asked my Mom to DIY our flowers, both simple centerpieces and bouquets. She killed it and did a great job, BTW - but I think it really stressed her out and made the day less fun for her. Similarly, we relied on a ton of friends and family to help set up some DIY decor as well, and I just wish I’d allowed them to relax and have fun that morning, rather than set up the venue. If I could go back, I’d hire a florist and throw money at the problem. We wouldn’t have gone into debt because of it, and it would have brought more joy and less stress.

Ambien

Ok, I’m sort of kidding. But… sort of not. If I could go back I wouldn’t sleep in a hotel room the night before in order to somehow make the next day more “special.” I was used to sleeping with my now-husband. Instead, I was alone in an unfamiliar, cold hotel room and I got… 2 hours of sleep. So while not everyone will suffer with these exact sleep problems of mine (!), I do recommend you think about what will feel most comfortable and make you relax prior to the wedding day - and do that!

Take time for your guests

Again, I think back then the more formal, traditional weddings felt super stuffy and prim and proper. So I went too far in the other direction and didn’t have any kind of receiving line and didn’t officially visit with all of my guests. I really regret that. Looking back, it felt selfish, and though I know time is super limited for the couple on their wedding day, and there’s no way you’re going to get to talk to everyone, I would have put in much more effort to do so.

The infamous first-look

My now-husband was adamant that we not see each other before the wedding. I wish I’d pushed back a bit harder because we barely attended our cocktail hour (hence the above, not being able to see many guests), and I think it would have made the day less hectic. If you can convince your partner to do a first look - do it!

All that being said, we recently - on a random weekend - happened upon our wedding video and I had a super strange surreal moment where my two daughters were suddenly quietly watching our wedding take place. It was lovely to hear my husband and I reference our future children in our ceremony, while those children watched in the present moment! It helped me realize that your wedding is just a moment in time. Looking back, while the wedding still feels special, what actually defines our marriage are all the other years and moments, good and bad, that followed. So I loved listening to our closest friends and family sing the songs and play the instruments we asked them to play. I loved watching us dance to now-quite-dated pop music. I still stand by our choice to not have a wedding cake and just eat brownies instead. I love that people still tell us it was one of the most fun weddings they’d ever been to. And I love that it led to the life I’m now living.

Abby and Scott's Carnegie Institution for Science Wedding

Photo by Sam Hurd

I really love December weddings. And I especially love December weddings at Carnegie Institution for Science, a venue so gorgeous, you don’t care if it’s cold outside! Abby and Scott got married this past December. After a first-look and some photos both at the hotel and the venue, they signed the ketubah and then were off to get married. They opted for an in-the-round ceremony which beautifully highlights the Carnegie’s rotunda. After cocktails they had a lovely dinner by Design Cuisine - I adored all of Abby’s choices for linens and design. She brought in some great green colors that accented the season, but also didn’t go to far into the wintery route and brought in some lovely blues as well! Enjoy these romantic and stunning photos by Sam Hurd, and enjoy dreaming of that cozy, cold weather that will be here before we know it!

Abby and Scott’s Vendors:

Venue: Carnegie Institution for Science, Washington, DC

Coordinator: Katie Wannen, The Plannery

Caterer: Design Cuisine

Photographer: Sam Hurd

Music: DJ Mark Maskell

Florist: Highway to Hill

Make-up: Alison Harper & Co

How do you want to feel on your wedding day?

Photo by Shandi Wallace

I recently talked on my InstaStories about exercise, and how tangentially that related back to wedding planning (check my ramblings out here in my highlights, if you want the original source material!). Basically, I was thinking about how I, as a typical type-A person, suffer from anxiety and I’ve recently been using exercise to help manage my mental health, keeping me feeling good and happy.

I was then thinking about all you poor couples out there - brides and grooms who are so often marketed to about how you’re going to LOOK on your day. How to lose the weight for your wedding, fit into the dress, all that bullshit (including this recent NY Times article that sent me into a rage spiral). And not only that, but what items you’re going to have at your wedding that can be photographed and then blogged about. What the centerpieces will look like. What the venue looks like. Looks, looks, looks, looks, looks.

Which brought me back to feelings (cue “feelings…”). At The Plannery, as much as we care about how things look and that your florist or event designer is doing what they should and everything looks as you want it to look, what we actually care about, and what I consider my JOB - is that you feel good. Our main priority is how you feel, NOT how you look. If you’re feeling calm, relaxed, stress-free, able to have fun and in the moment then I have done my job.

Photo by Go Kate Shoot

And so though how you feel is what I believe sets us apart as wedding planners, that’s really hard to Instagram. I don’t have a lot of pretty pictures to show you what feeling good on your wedding day looks like (though I certainly can try, and sometimes the awesome photographers I’ve worked with capture just that!). But I’ll just ask you to step away for a moment from the social media, the wedding magazines and blogs, the mood boards (though we do love ourselves some mood boards), and think about this question that very few people ask you: how do you want to feel on your wedding day?

And then hire people who will make the process of planning a wedding, and your actual wedding day, feel really damn good.

Photo by Shandi Wallace

Hire the best and trust your wedding vendors

Photo by Sam Hurd

I recently write a blog post in which I discussed how important communication is to a stress-free wedding. I had one of my favorite wedding friendors reach out and say that the real key to a stress free wedding is “hire the best and trust your vendors.”

I loved it. Especially as a planner, and therefore someone who guides couples in that decision-making process. So I thought I’d dive into this topic a bit, cause it’s a good one - and one that a lot of wedding vendors don’t often talk about, but should.

Having a good wedding vendor team is essential to eliminating stress on your wedding day. Why? Because if you truly trust your gut in the hiring process, and find vendors that “get” you and ones that you feel confident in, then your work is done. You as the couple getting married get to lean back, relax, and let them do their thing. By letting go and trusting (which I realize, is not always easy), you also let go of the stress and worry on your wedding day.

So when choosing a wedding vendor I urge all of my clients to move past the numbers (though I always stay within their budget!) and really look at the person. Do you not only like their work, but them? Did you choose them just cause they were randomly recommended or did you really read reviews about them, and those reviews spoke to you in some way? Did you feel at ease and comfortable when you spoke or met with them? Or did some red flags get raised, but you pushed those away cause you just wanted a decision to be made so you could move on?

Photo by Jessica Crews

Wedding vendors have all dealt with couples that hired them and then didn’t trust them. And let me tell you - that’s not easy from our end, either. So I urge you all to take your time and listen to your gut when hiring wedding vendors. Better yet, hire a planner that you trust who will then recommend vendors that are a good fit :)

And it’s actually quite interesting that for this huge day, this day when you’re marrying your person, your partner who you will commit to and vow to trust, that you also need to apply that to the other relationships. Though they’re not romantic ones, they are important ones. So hire the best and then trust them to do their best so you can sit back, relax, and enjoy your wedding!

5 Wedding Traditions Worth Breaking

As you already know, I’m not a fan of the “have to”’s and “should”’s that often surround weddings. Yes, sometimes certain traditions or ways of doing things are there for a reason - cause they make the most sense or are the easiest way to do something! That being said, there are a couple of wedding traditions I’m all about breaking - so here are my top 5 that I think are heading the way of the dinosaurs:

Who walks down the aisle?

Photo by Susan Hornyak

I hold this one near and dear to my heart because I made a fairly non-traditional choice when it came to my own wedding processional. More and more I’m seeing lots of couples kick the tradition of the bride’s father walking her down the aisle to the curb - and I’m loving it. Jewish weddings already get it right (and have for years) by having both parents escort both parts of the couple down the aisle. I’ve seen the bride and groom walk down together. I’ve seen brides process in on their own (cue Destiny Child’s “Independent Women” now please). Recently, two grooms had us create TWO aisles and they both processed in together with the ring bearers/flower girls, to meet in the center (love love love that). I personally chose to have my Mom walk me in because I was close to both my Dad and Step-father and didn’t feel right choosing between the two. Either way, it’s a personal choice and every couple deserves to feel they can be creative if they need to be! Do what’s best for you and your family - both past and future!

RSVP Cards

Photo by Love Life Images

Embrace technology! Throw those physical RSVP cards of yore directly into the trash. As I mentioned on a previous post, wedding websites now allow you to collect RSVPs online. Do it. It saves you money, time and you won’t find yourself scratching tiny numbers in pencil on the back of your RSVP cards wondering why you ever decided to plan a wedding in the first place. Yes, some older folks get confused by the internets, but it’s still worth going this route and just picking up the phone for those few who can’t handle the online option.

The White Dress

Photo by Leo Druker

A lot of brides still love the white dress, and I get it. I wore one. But this tradition is changing and I’m LOVING it. Weddings are a celebration - why not wear color? Or best of all, why not wear pants? A jumpsuit? Have outfit and costume changes? The possibilities nowadays are endless and so many more options are available to both brides and grooms. Go for it and don something new for your special day - you’ll still feel special, I promise.

The Champagne Toast

Photo by Darling Photographers

Very few couples have traditional champagne toasts anymore. Once again, save the money (yay!) and just have folks toast with the drinks that are in their hands. I can’t tell you how much champagne I see dumped out of untouched glasses at the end of the night. Not having special flutes and a “special” champagne toast won’t make those moments or the words spoken any less meaningful. So ditch this tradition and focus on the words rather than the (sparkling) wine.

The special dances

Photo by Ayesha Ahmad

Listen, I love me a first dance. And I also love me some parents dances. But don’t be afraid to either ditch them or approach them with some fun and creativity. Super shy? Don’t have a first dance. Don’t feel like taking the dances so seriously? Mix it up and play with it - one of my favorites was a couple of mine from last year who not only did a first dance to Adam Sandler’s Grow Old With You, but then went into a first dance mash-up including Indian and western line dancing. It was hilarious, them, and perfect.

Dodi and David's Shenandoah Woods Wedding

Photo by Josef Sullivan Photography

David and Dodi were wed in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountain on a dreamy summer day in August. On that very morning, in the very same spot they exchanged vows, I saw the cutest brown bear roaming around just hours before guests arrived.  The only reason I didn’t freak out and am able to call it cute is because there was ample distance between myself and the furry guy as I worked to set up David and Dodi’s event. The Pavilion at Shenandoah Woods is such a gorgeous venue, offering magnificent views and sightings! 

The vibe of the event reflected both David and Dodi’s lively, beautiful, kindred personalities equally. It was rewarding as a planner/coordinator to watch their ideas and visions unfold and come to life. In working with David and Dodi, it was clear that their plans were driven by passion, which in turn led to the most magical, meaningful, memorable day. The major highlights would have to be the following: 1) Dodi’s show stopping lace romper worn at the reception and 2) The Silent Disco!!! 

As they celebrate their one year anniversary (boy does time fly!), I can only hope that they are still basking in newly wed bliss and that their passion is just as fierce as the day I met them! Congrats again, Dodi and David!

All photos by Josef Sullivan Photography

Dodi and David’s Vendors:

Coordinator: Tarra Morgan, The Plannery

Venue: Shenandoah Woods

Catering: Valley Pig Pickin

Photographer: Josef Sullivan Photography

Silent Disco: Headphone Disco

Bartenders: Garnished Events

Florist: Vivian’s Flowers

Rentals: Classic Party Rentals

Easy ways to personalize your wedding

Nowadays lots of my clients express a desire to personalize their wedding. In fact, I’d even go so far to say that they feel the pressure to personalize every single detail. I don’t find that necessary. I think the personalization of weddings has gotten a bit out of hand (much like the fun DIY weddings of days past). So I wanted to outline my top 5 favorite and EASY ways to personalize your wedding:

Your Wedding Ceremony

Photo by Chris Ferenzi

Lest ye forget, the ceremony is the whole reason you’re having a wedding in the first place. It marks the official moment you and your partner actually get married. I find that the best way to personalize your wedding is to make the ceremony truly reflect you as a couple. How? That could simply mean making sure your pastor or rabbi really knows you both individually and as a couple. It could mean you both taking the time to write the ceremony yourselves. It could mean incorporating some favorite readings that reflect your own partnership and future together. There are tons of ways to make your ceremony personal - I always urge clients to put the most thought into this part of the day, that so often gets overlooked, because it really is the emotional center of the entire event.

Music

Photo by Shandi Wallace

Whether you’re a musical person or not, music connects to most of us on a pretty emotional and personal level. So another very easy way to personalize your wedding is to be thoughtful about your music throughout the event. Process into your ceremony to a special song. If you’re doing parents dances, pick songs that mean something to you both. Have music that you love but that isn’t danceable or ceremony-worthy but still reflects you or your partner? Use it at the cocktail hour!

Wedding logo

Photo by Justin McCallum

I used to scoff a bit at wedding logos - I felt as though it really hit home that your wedding was something to “market” (belch). But - I will say that if you take the time to create one that feels meaningful to you and your partner, you then have ONE thing that you can use everywhere! It makes a lot of decisions way easier - what to put on the program, the cake, lighting, favors, invites, website, etc? Your logo. BAM. Decision done, now you can go off and do other fun things with your day, all while personalizing that wedding of yours :)

Look beyond the centerpieces

Photo by Hannah Hudson Photography

Another very easy way to personalize your wedding is to add small little touches to your dining tables - and I’m not talking about votives. I’ve had clients add different Funko Pops to each table cause they were both huge comic fans, clients who framed hilarious quotes from their first online dating conversations, and clients who incorporated all the national parks they’d visited into each dining table.

Cake Toppers

Photo by DuHon Photography

Again, we’re talking easy here. Since you may want to buy a cake topper anyway, why not make it personal? I’ve seen folks have mini figurines made of them (and their dog!) on etsy, one bride’s father hand-crafted their cake topper, and my favorite (I am a musical theatre nerd at heart, remember), a couple use Tangled characters on top of their cake (even Pascal made the cut!). I’ll also mention, my Mom and step-dad deserve a starting-the-trend award since they absolutely SHOCKED their parents back in 1988 by putting some small clown shoe figurines (my step-dad had studied clown/mime back in the day) next to small high heeled figurines in lieu of the traditional cake topper. So this one is close to my heart!